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When Everything Goes Wrong…

Have you ever had one of those days where everything that can go wrong will go wrong? I have a friend that has one of those days, well, pretty much every day. He never fails to amaze as he regales us with his daily stories of ineptitude, from car repair problems to social faux pas. He seems happy enough to tell the stories, however, so I thought why not celebrate the misadventures of his everyday life by sharing a few of these stories with all of you. I’ve noticed in the last couple of weeks that many of his tales seem to be car-related, so that will be the theme for this edition. I won’t use his name – let’s just refer to him as “My Mate”.

Here they are: My Mate’s Woeful Car Stories.

Saturday: Fine + car keys

So, as it happens, My Mate was visiting one of his mates on a Saturday night. It was bucketing down with rain and he couldn’t find a free spot, so he parked his car in a No Stopping zone not too far away from his mate’s driveway. It’s late on a Saturday, he thought, and it’s pouring – who’s going to be handing tickets out at this time?

Unfortunately for My Mate, a particularly dedicated parking inspector was patrolling at that point, and My Mate wound up with an infringement notice. Of course, he didn’t realise this until he’d got in the car, started the engine and seen the ticket situated neatly under his wiper. He jumped out of the car to grab it and, perhaps out of habit, locked the door when he did so. And there he was… locked out of his running car in the pouring rain. And $220 poorer, too.

Tuesday: Ran out of petrol

You see that little gauge on your dashboard with the picture of the fuel pump on it? That’s your petrol gauge. But you knew that already. Presumably, you also knew that when the arrow points to ‘E’, that means it’s running low and it’s time to refuel. Unfortunately, My Mate doesn’t seem to understand these basic semantics and, in true form, pushed his last tank right to its limit.

Of course, the average person, if they were to run out of petrol, probably would have done so somewhere just a short walk to the nearest service station. My Mate did so on a stretch of road without a service station for 20 kilometres. Oh yeah – and his phone was out of battery. I almost forgot to mention that part. It was a long walk.

Friday: Stuck in the garage

Alright, so this one trumps even the previous two in terms of sheer stupidity. My Mate was about to drive out of the basement of his apartment block last Friday night when he realised he didn’t have the garage door buzzer. Couldn’t find it anywhere. Not sure how you lose a buzzer off your keyring, but that’s another matter. So his plan was to wait in the basement for someone – anyone – to either come or go. It took about half an hour, but eventually he heard the sound of a vehicle outside and, lo and behold, the garage door started opening.

He sat up in his car seat, put the keys in the ignition and got ready to make his way out – when he realised he’d drained the battery by leaving his radio and headlights on that whole time. His car wouldn’t start. To make matters worse, neither he nor the person who’d just arrived had any jumper leads. He decided to stay home that night. He found the buzzer down the side of the lounge the next morning.

Oh, and another note. A few weeks later, he was getting his car serviced by a mobile mechanic in the same garage, and he decided to share the stuck-in-the-garage story. Like I said, My Mate doesn’t mind sharing his misadventures. The mobile mechanic was kind enough not to laugh when pointing out the manual release button next to the garage door. Good bloke.

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